Yes, she is Crazy

At least that is what I would nearly think of myself if I were in her shoes.




There is a gal at church who was new to our ward a few months ago, who I had noticed, introduced myself to, stopped by once, waved to on the street once and then didn't see for a long time. I was and am still very intrigued by this gal because of the opportunity to not only be her friend, but to have her son be my son's friend.

Each week I waited patiently, hoping to see her again. I started to loose hope that they wouldn't be returning. "Perhaps they aren't very active" I concluded to myself, after giving up on the idea that Family Reunions, Vacations and Illness were the reasons behind their absence.

I share this because, well, a. this is my blog...i can write what I want b. because there is a point to this story and c. even if she were to read this, it would only demonstrate my stupidity, judgments and faults, and eagerness for her return, and d. perhaps someone might be touched by this story.

Anyway, I am not like God in that I am very patient, understanding, and know when change will occur. I had pretty much given up hope, but have had a longing to say a few things to this gal. All of which were only of kindness and hoping to start a new friendship, and examples of such are: "I want to be your friend" and "Can your son come over and play?" and "I have been waiting for you to come to church so I had a chance to talk to you without seeming like a total stalker".

I truly have been hoping this gal would come back--to avoid the appearance of crazy and obsessive. If I were to just show up on her door or call her out of the blue....it would be awkward for me in that I know she would be thinking something like "Who is this person????" I simply don't know her. I know her name and the age of her son. That is not enough to work with for me just yet.

Also I have had a slighly similiar experience where I feel like I may have been over-friendly, which translated into "extreme" or "over-bearing". So though I am still being me, and have felt slightly nervous to reach out too much to her...fear that I might have the same effect on her as I have on someone else.

POINT: Today she was in church, and I sat there all the way through Relief Society nervously trying to pull together the words of which I was wanting to say. I had a chance to say what I wanted to say, and I felt like her response wasn't that I was crazy, but that I did truly want to be friends, even if its just for our son's sakes. Which isn't the case. I do want to be her friend too. I felt ridiculous, as my heart was pounding, that she might think me crazy. When I finally got to where I said that my little boy has been lonely, tears were rolling down my cheeks. I kept apologizing that I was crying, not sure why--in all honestly--but Landon is very dear to my heart and it is upsetting to me that he doesn't have many little boy buddies his age to play with. Lots of girls, no boys.

I finally got a grip, at which point, I kept thinking she was dying to get away from me....but she replied that she didn't know where we lived. When I drew a little map for her, she recognized that we are barely inside the ward boundries. We talked about that for a few mintues, exchanged numbers and went our separate ways.

I am not sure what will happen with this friendship, but I really honestly hope it will grow for my sake and for Landon's sake. She has been on my mind frequently and I am not her RS president or her visiting teacher. But I have thought about her way more than she would ever know, way more than I expected, but I have felt real concern her.

Anyway, my ramblings of this situation are boring everyone who dare read this, and if you have read this far, I applaud you and concider you one of my dearest friends.