Pokes

A year ago or so Catelyn referred to shots as pokes. Hence the title.

So two days ago I woke up with the impression that i needed to get Jocelyn and Landon caught up on their shots. But then I spent the rest of the day in tears as I worried about the controversy of Autism being related to the triple dose shot MMR and what not.

I don't know why I kept falling apart, but I did. Every time I would look at Jocelyn playing and laughing or when Landon would holler from the other room "Charge!" or "Ka-Boom!" I would break down in tears worried about my/our choice to immunize.

I have heard vague horror stories of kids who got those shots and then one day it was like a light went out in them and they stopped communicating, lost eye contact with people....etc. I couldn't bare the thought that that might happen to my kids, now that I know them and their personalities. So the tears would keep rolling down my cheeks every stinkin' time I just looked at them.

Gosh, I was frustrated that I couldn't turn the water off. Poor Landon. He kept asking me what was wrong. I told him I was just feeling sad. He asked me if I missed someone. I white lied. Told him, "Yes, BJ." It wasn't something I wanted him to worry about and he sweetly replied, "Me, too."

We immunized Catelyn, and she has been fine. I am convinced that if the Lord has an autistic child, or something like that in store for our family, it will happen and come to us regardless of whether or not we immunize. I feel confident that immunizing is a smart choice and the right choice for us. But my hormonal and pregnancy brain just couldn't handle the mental stress of physically giving my kids "pokes."

I cried more at the doctors office than Jocelyn and Landon. The poor nurse. I told her I was fine, but she probably thought I was insane.

It's over now, and I haven't shed any tears about it since, but it sure made my day pretty lousy.

What brave kids I have.